Manifesting reality

One of the things that often occurs to men in midlife is that they perhaps have not achieved everything that they would have hoped to do so during their lifetime.

One of the reasons for this, of course, is that they very often don’t actually know what their true purpose in life might have been.

Video – the midlife crisis

When we talk about purpose, there are a variety of other words that may be used to mean the same thing – mission, soul purpose, life purpose  being some of the most common.

The most common question that I’m asked by men who are feeling depressed in midlife is “how on earth could I ever have identified what my life purpose was, and then lived it fully”?

Well it’s a very good question, and you may well wonder what your purpose is, particularly if you feel yourself moving towards a place of dissatisfaction and unhappiness about your achievements in life.

What I’d like to make clear at this point is that no matter how you feel about with the way your life has been, it doesn’t necessarily have to be that way for the rest of your life – what I would describe as “life purpose” changes as time goes by.

For an elder, which I would roughly define as a man moving into food of life beyond 50, soul purpose can be something about blessing and encouragement of younger men and women.

It’s a mistake to think that we all have to find our purpose when we 20 years old and then follow that path for the rest of our lives: indeed, younger men very often don’t actually know what their purpose is, and the early part of their life is (or at least, in my opinion it should be) devoted to finding out what it might be by experimentation with different options.

The underlying principle here, of course, is that all our lives are predicated on a series of developmental steps which are necessary for us to achieve fulfillment.

If we don’t follow those developmental steps, either by accident or design, then we don’t reach the true potential that we can offer the world, and we generally feel depressed and unfulfilled – like something is missing.

Sadly because in our society there are very few mechanisms for going through the processes that would once have enabled us to identify all of these things, there are a great many people who remain unfulfilled and unhappy about the way their lives operating.

And, of course, as any aware person knows, our society is not necessarily ideal for achieving fulfillment and happiness – a materialistic society such as the one we live in tends to disconnect people from each other, and enables them to console themselves by the acquisition of material wealth. (See this on happiness.)

So we face a double bind: the absence of the developmental’s processes which would enable us to find our true purpose, and a society which discourages self-exploration and deviation from societal norms.

In the face of such strong opposition to the exploration of, or even the expression of, the self-development processes that are necessary to acquire a meaning in life, it’s no wonder that so many people die dissatisfied and unhappy.

(If you doubt this, just look at the five top regrets of the dying, and see if any of them could possibly apply to you, when you think about the way your life is currently developing.)

Now I know that you wouldn’t be reading this if you didn’t have some sense of dissatisfaction or at least a sense that your life could possibly be improved in some way.

There’s an area of human experience called manifestation – which basically means the ability to create the world around you that you wish to be living in – and it involves the use of something called the law of attraction, which was popularized a few years ago by Rhonda Byrne in a book called The Secret.

Video – The Secret

Now I do not think that everything in The Secret was an accurate representation of ways in which you could influence the universe to produce the world around you that you really want to live in.

Nonetheless, Rhonda Byrne did us all a great favor because she drew our attention to principles of manifestation and co-creation which been around for a very long time – and which were well-known to people of previous generations through the writing of people like Napoleon Hill in Think and Grow Rich.

What it amounts to is that if you’re lacking a life purpose, and that if you feel you are in need of great fulfillment, or you have a sense of dissatisfaction that something is absent and missing from your life, then a great place to start would be to explore the principles of manifestation and the law of attraction.

One of the reasons for this is that those two areas of human experience will draw you into a whole area of exploration of self which can lead you to a life purpose and a sense of mission in the world.

For example, you may find that something that you’ve been thinking about on and off for many years can become a way of earning a living – in which case you’re truly blessed, because most people who have a burning desire to follow a passion of some kind (e.g. making music) don’t manage to find a way of making a living from it.

Alternatively, you might find that you can actually do something in your spare time gives you great fulfillment, while doing something quite different to earn a living.

Perhaps the most blessed experience would be the one in which you discover what you should actually be doing this time in your life, and you manage to find a way to transition into doing exactly that.

One of the most common transitions that men and women find they can make midlife is to become an elder in the true sense of that word – if you’re interested in what that actually means, you can read about it here.

And midlife need not be a time of despair

Of course, the heading of this piece suggests that many men do find it is time to spare, and there probably is truth in that.

This is a time when men are often faced with questions about the purpose and function that they have. And as for sex…. well…. 

Does this appeal like it once did?

Sex drive decreases with age. You may be surprised at how it changes for you. Photo copyright Dreamstime.

The children may be leaving home, a long-term partner may be going through her menopause and finding a new purpose in her own life, so the dynamics of the relationship may be changing, and then of course there are the symptoms of declining testosterone to cope with…..

Now as men, testosterone is the thing that keeps us going: it gives us a sense of drive, purpose, and probably allows us to set boundaries, go out into the world with confidence, to get things done, and it generally gives us a sense of confidence, an awareness of our own masculinity and pride in what we achieve in the world.

Obesity reduces sex drive, health and life expectancy
This is not good – but what else is there? How about Keeping FIT? You can try using the Fat Loss Factor program to do this.

But unfortunately, around 50 years of age, testosterone begins to decline, and a man may find that his drive, his motivation, his sense of purpose, and his self-confidence have all taken a knock.

He probably puts on weight. His sex drive declines.

So this is a very dramatic change, or least it can be, and it’s not helped by the fact that it’s accompanied by physical weakness and a number of mental or emotional symptoms, often including depression and irritability.

Sometimes experts say that depression is actually a consequence of the social and cultural changes that a man goes through at this time of life, rather than a symptom of declining testosterone.

 Maybe. But what I think is almost certainly true is that the two  effects generally work together, and the outcome can be what we call the midlife crisis. This is a time of self reflection, of seeking a new purpose, and perhaps, when no such purpose exists, a sense of purposelessness and even despair.

Therapy may be helpful for a man in midlife

Therapy may be needed for a man undergoing a midlife crisis.

These are not attractive characteristics, either to experience personally, nor for the people around a man who is experiencing the more intense emotional and physical changes that develop around midlife.

So one of the things that can help a man (and his friends and family) to cope with these changes is a clear purpose and mission — something that is important to him, something that he can take pride in achieving as he moves into midlife.

But there are other things that can dramatically help a man to cope with these changes at the time of midlife: it’s really mostly about self-help, which means finding counseling, perhaps or therapy, if it’s needed.

It might mean finding a friend who can be trusted as a confidante, or forming a group of men who are going through the same experience and  who can share their emotions, thoughts and feelings.

It certainly means adapting the way you enjoy sex. One thing’s for sure: sex is going to occur less often, because your sex drive and libido have decreased (as, probably, has your partner’s).

And then, there is also the question of muscular atrophy, which takes place slowly from the age of 50, and increases its pace as the man moves into old age.

Young bucks and old stallions

Young bucks and old stallions

GS-mature-man-hombre-2-1113fg-v-977 (1)

One answer to this is testosterone supplementation, and a very effective answer it is, too. But along with testosterone supplementation there has to be a degree of self-help, particularly where physical fitness is concerned.

Both aerobic and strength building exercises are very necessary to maintain muscle development and physical strength, besides giving a sense of well-being due to the production of endorphins in the brain.

Now one of the things you’re going to do here, probably, being a man, is to seek out a personal trainer and engage him in your fight against aging. That is expensive and possibly restrictive.

But fitness is important. Because how fit you are determines how much you are likely to enjoy sex. Fitness is linked to sex and sexual capacity.

I have a different suggestion.

Use the Fat Loss Factor

This is a fitness program for men.  In fact, it’s actually a fitness program designed specifically for every individual man who uses it. That’s to say, it is tailored specifically to your physiology. That’s why it’s so helpful at building muscle development and stopping muscle atrophy in mid life.

When you sign up, you fill in a questionnaire which gives the program sufficient information to design a personalized exercise program and personalised nutrition program that you can print out.

These are quite sophisticated documents, because they are tailored to you individually.

But the sophistication of the system doesn’t stop there: you can actually download these programs onto your iPhone or tablet so that you have been with you at all times.

That means that you can take them to the gym and use them there, or you can take them into your fitness suite at home and use them in privacy. Obviously for those who don’t like gyms this is a massive benefit.

Andropause and Midlife Symptoms Of Testosterone Deficiency

One of the interesting pieces of information That all middle-aged men need to know about is the male andropause. This is a period of time in a man’s life when his testosterone level drops and a variety of symptoms may develop in response to this decline in hormone.

There’s an interesting article here about how one man discovered that he was experiencing a male andropause: testosterone deficiency. They basically describe the symptoms Of the andropause as tiredness, loss of motivation, irritability and depression, physical weakness, muscle wasting, dry skin, and loss of libido, although there are others.

What I’d also add to this list is an increase in weight, which is very common when men’s metabolic rate declines, often a product of testosterone deficiency. It’s not easy to come to terms with these changes, since they involve a loss of identity of the most men, but it is possible to alleviate the symptoms by means of self motivation, testosterone supplementation, and appropriate weight loss programs.

One of the most interesting weight loss programs that has become popular in recent times on the Internet is the Venus factor, which works in harmony with the body by increasing the activity of leptin, a so-called fat burning hormone.

Now this program is actually billed as a way to lose weight for women, and the results certainly seemed to speak volumes about its effectiveness. What I’m wondering is whether or not it would be a good way for men in this situation to lose weight.

My suggestion is that if you’re at all interested in the possibility of an effective weight loss program, that you don’t have a look at the Venus Factor, and decide for yourself whether or not it’s actually very interest; even if it isn’t, one of the things that looking at the website will do for you is to give you a lot of information about the physiology of male and female bodies and how and why the requirements for weight loss are different between them.

Mid Life Crisis Symptoms

It Is Important To Recognize When A Man May Be Having A Midlife Crisis

The mid-life crisis is a phenomena that is often treated

as a joke. When it hits real people in their lives, however, it has the potential to be very destructive. The symptoms can be debilitating on their own. When a man is with a partner who does not understand them, they can trigger the break down of a relationship. Because of this, it is critical for anyone to be able to recognize the signs of midlife crisis in men.

There is no single strict criteria that a man has to meet
to be said to be experiencing a midlife crisis. There are a lot of themes that tend to arise in his life as a part of it, though. The middle stage of life is often when a man begins to look closely at how much he has achieved in life compared to what he hoped to do when he started out as a boy. In many cases, there is a significant gap between the two. Even when the gap is not large, it
is often the case that he looks at his life and realizes that the professional achievements that he fought so hard to win are less fulfilling than expected.

If a man begins to seem restless and dissatisfied
around the middle of his life, it is important to try not to take it too personally. Those who are in this situation often experience symptoms that are much like depression, and they can even go through a kind of mourning as they work to accept that the lives they dreamed about will not become reality. It is very easy for a man’s life partner to assume that these feelings mean that he is unhappy or resentful about the life that they share. In reality, though, it is just a natural adjustment period. Understanding this can go a long way
toward reducing the pain and the friction in the relationship over this issue.

It is natural that some men will reach a stage in life
where they realize that they are mortal and that some goals may simply be beyond their reach. This can be  a difficult adjustment, and it is sometimes even one that requires the guidance of a therapist. The  important thing is to try to be supportive of the men in your life, and not to take it too personally if they seem to suddenly become unsettled with life. It is not
abnormal, and it is something that you can work through together.

Signs Of The Midlife Crisis In Men

When you hear the term Mid life crisis in men, chances are you think of trophy wives and fancy little sports cars. Jokes are made about this transition period, but it is actually something  that should be taken seriously. This time in life isn’t all bad either.

The term midlife crisis was introduced by Elliott
Jacques in 1965. He defined this as a time when adults come to realize that life is moving along at a rapid rate and they are mortal. Others credit this term to Erik Erickson. No matter who gets the credit though, a midlife crisis is a time when people stop to take a look at their overall life. This may come out of the blue or it may result from a major life occurrence, such as the death of a parent or the youngest child leaving the nest for good.

Mid life crisis symptoms vary greatly from person to
person. Some find they are unable to sleep while others want to do nothing, but stay in bed. Morbidity often rears its ugly head and concentration may be a thing of the past. Regrets are not uncommon during this stage of life and men find they have sharp longings for a particular item or person. You may find that you are struggling with the answers to big questions, such as,
“What am I doing with my life?”

A majority of men experience a midlife crisis. This
transition period frequently involves work and family, but it can affect other areas of life also. You may begin questioning your economic status or religion may change in terms of how it affects your life. Goals and priorities are reevaluated at this time and dreams may be followed up on. Lives change drastically at this time and this can be very tough for all involved.

A man’s response to a midlife crisis depends in part
on the support he receives from others. If no support is received, depression may result. What are the signs to look for and what needs to be done when you become depressed?

Symptoms of depression include feelings of
hopelessness, pessimism, helplessness, guilt or worthlessness. If you no longer enjoy activities you have in the past, you may be depressed. Changes in eating or sleeping habits have been noted with depression and the same is true of restlessness or irritability. If you find you are depressed, seek the assistance of a professional.

Your doctor can help you get through your midlife crisis and depression. Therapy helps as do antidepressant medications. The time has come to make changes in your life. You are in a whole new stage and it can be a great one. It’s all a matter of how you deal with these changes and where you want to go.

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Premature Ejaculation Effects

Anything as important as weak erections in older males will get attention – and for younger men, it seems that premature ejaculation is becoming an issue that’s just as important and pressing to many.

So, why is it the case a man’s inability to last longer during sex is receiving this level of research and investigation? The accelerated exchange of information in this computing era suggests that people who are conscious of their choices are no longer resigned to endure a sex life that is less than gratifying. The extensive information flow about sexual concerns that transpired in these past twenty years can be attributed to the easy availability of pornography on the internet and the steady decline of sexual inhibitions. This indicates that formerly taboo concepts such as premature ejaculation are now more commonplace, easier to deal with, and certainly easier for people to discuss. But despite these advances, just a few men try to get treatment.

The current crop of clinical findings has shown consistently that many men aren’t prepared to find any effective premature ejaculation treatment. For men it is apparently a self-esteem issue. Women actually view it as a jolting cessation of rhythm and connection at the most important juncture of lovemaking. It’s not so much about the fact that a woman can’t reach climax through conventional sex, because this is relatively uncommon in any case, but because lovemaking doesn’t last as long as it otherwise might. The closeness between them is suddenly severed prior to a woman gaining a firm hold of true connection with her partner.

Incredibly, effective remedies to this dysfunction were already proposed more than half a century ago when pioneers like Masters and Johnson wrote about sexual psychotherapy and other approaches. And these clinical interventions – commonly known as a “stop-start” technique and the “squeeze” technique – are very effective. The reason they aren’t as popularly accepted (and used) as might be expected is because couples don’t have the persistence to keep on using these methods. In part, this is because the male finds it more convenient to just let go and give in to the impulse to climax at that stage. He habitually does this at the point where ejaculation is no longer stoppable during intercourse.
And all men know how forceful and compelling the impulse to ejaculate is during sexual intercourse. It’s hard-coded in our genes by thousands of years of human evolution. The female needs to get pregnant for the species to survive, so the impulse to release is a naturally instinctive reaction. But, like many basic instincts, men can muzzle it – by firmly deciding to acquire control of their own orgasm. In short, the desire to ejaculate can be overcome, put aside, and subjugated for the longer term benefits of achieving stronger self-control during intercourse.

Preventing premature ejaculation is a rewarding way to achieve a higher level of male self-respect, self-esteem, and sexual self-control. But what is normal? Anything that’s as basic (as sex is) to human relationships is, by definition, always influenced by cultural and social norms. So, while the most recent studies have concluded that the mean length of conventional copulation is approximately seven minutes, the time deemed as normal for sexual intercourse in other cultures is entirely different.

One questionable method is that the time starting from the initial penetration up to the moment of ejaculation is usually measured by using a common stop watch. This seems ludicrous, during one of the most intimate interactions that a man and woman can have! So what level of reliability are we supposed to accept on measurements taken on a stop watch by the female partner while the man makes love to her, unless she’s completely unaffected by what he’s doing? And if the woman is indeed indifferent to to be able to operate a stop watch accurately, doesn’t that show that the male may not be really bothered about delaying his ejaculation?

Assuming that an experimental procedure such as this will produce any amount of reasonable data appears to be ludicrously optimistic. And even if we did agree to 7 minutes as the average duration for sex (and seven minutes is in fact longer than many clinical tests have demonstrated as an average length of time of intercourse), then how do we interpret the fact that in certain Arabic cultures fast ejaculation is singularly taken as a signature of sexual prowess? This indicates that the known occurrence of premature ejaculation in these Arab countries is, by definition, much lower than in, for example, Latin America, where both men and women consider drawn-out sexual intercourse as a sign of male strength.

One expert who has gone through mountains of data studying premature ejaculation is Dr. Marcel Waldinger, a neuropsychiatrist in the Netherlands, who also operates a sexual health clinic. He wrote that the actual number of males in the general population who are actually suffering from premature ejaculation is much lesser than findings from studies bankrolled by big pharmaceutical corporations might lead us to believe. His technique is to record the exact time between penetration and ejaculation. He maintains that this is the sole unbiased indicator of whether a male suffers from premature ejaculation or not.

So he excludes other factors like issues of sexual satisfaction and the men’s subjective judgments about their own faculty of self-control. However, many people would regard those things as indispensably fundamental to defining premature ejaculation. As a matter of fact, premature ejaculation has traditionally been defined in a manner that demonstrates either the man or the woman to be feeling emotional frustration directly attributable to the male’s rapid sexual responses. The reasoning here is that even if actual intercourse between a man and a woman only lasts 30 seconds but both are satisfied and contented with this, then the male partner, based on the classical definition, has really no issues with premature ejaculation .

Is this important? Yes, I think it does matter, for some very compelling reasons. Number one, it’s actually interesting and useful for men to have a a set of standards against which to judge themselves as lovers. The absence of such information can often result in low self-esteem and confusion when a man has no reasonable estimate how he performs sexually in relation to other men. Unless his friends are being honest about their sexual performance and talking about it openly, he won’t know whether two minutes, 5 minutes or 10 minutes of full control is adequate. And even if he does manage to make love for ten minutes but the woman doesn’t achieve her own climax, he will still have no idea if he’s achieving a satisfactory sexual performance or not.